Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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