Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
