On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
