I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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