he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
