Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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