I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
