lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
