3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
