I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
