dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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