Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
