had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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