If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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