OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
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he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
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How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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