i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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