I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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