Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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