Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
