i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
