genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
We need to get me chipped asap
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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