Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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