I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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