Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
