i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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