I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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