if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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