Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
