Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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