drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
