Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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