I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Bring me that man meat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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