U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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