if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
