I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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