saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
