My sheets look like a crime scene.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
