I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
