i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
