end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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