Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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