I'm so fucking centered right now
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
