Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
