Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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