Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
