so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
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You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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