Where are you?
In a non slutty way
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
