I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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