All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
