i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
