i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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