so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
