we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
