I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
