Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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