I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
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I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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