upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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