dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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