She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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