Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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