you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
