I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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