He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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