She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
