I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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