I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
