I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
