Kareoke will never be a sober sport
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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