I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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