You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
